I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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