I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
