Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
