last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
