So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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