Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
