Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
