I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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