I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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