It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
