perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
