my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
