I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
