I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
