why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
