Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
