I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize