i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
