bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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