There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
