I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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