Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
