Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize