when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
