Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
