You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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