Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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