When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
