I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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