the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
