After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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