I like my sex mixed with concussions.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
