Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize