Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize