My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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