if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
