You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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