I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
