girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
