Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
