Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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