I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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