you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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