Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
