He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
