OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
