and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
