If i come over, it means nothing
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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