I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize