the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
