I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize