i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
