Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
