Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my sisters under your porch take her home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
