I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
