Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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