I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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