Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
