I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
