I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
