HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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