i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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