u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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