i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
