I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
