So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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