Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
