im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
