Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
