i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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