And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
