At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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